Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data 2020
ISBN: 978-1-7341506-5 hard copy
ISBN: 978-1-7341506-1-2 ebook
ISBN: 978-1-7341506-2-9 audio
Well, I am Megan McIsaac. My mother is Linda, who is the driving force behind this book, with a sheer need to help individuals develop their hopes and dreams. As long as I can remember, my Mother has always helped others through learning. Early on in her life, she started as a teacher, then a principal, and next a superintendent of Heartland School District in Wisconsin, shaping young people's lives all the way. Her next stage in life was to start her own company, Expct! Where she taught professional people how to use the computer and offered classes to businesses on the software programs that were available at the time. Her current company is Xyte, which she uses to help individuals to better understand themselves as well as to be able to communicate with one another. Her assessment delivers a 15-page report that encourages people to look at their behaviors and patterns in a positive light and gives them permission to accept themselves and all of their quirks that make them tick. My mother has offered her time to felons in jails, students in school trying to figure out their path in life, encouraging employees and managers to better understand and communicate with one another, and all of my friends.
Society and cultures dictate who we should be and attempt to define our roles. One of the hardest things in life is to be oneself! The authentic version of oneself. First, what do we like? What defines us? What are our passions? And then, we combine all that knowledge, or maybe we haven't even found out who we are, and yet merge with another person! Our partner may also be struggling with who they are! So, we combine two beings, who are struggling to define who they are, and then, we make them an US or WE! We need to be able to communicate with one another and express ourselves in a clear and concise manner, which may be the second most difficult thing to do: Communication!
All of us communicate throughout our daily lives. The way we are communicating and how we are expressing ourselves makes sense - To us! The information we deliver may be and is often interpreted completely different from what we have intended! I think the majority of the problems occur when the information in the verbal form is interpreted.
By trade, I am a horse trainer. Every day, I communicate with a 1200 lb beast, who does not speak my language, nor do they think the same way I do. My goal at the end of the day, as well as in over ten years, is to have a clear communication and have a ride that is fluid, has a seamless transition, well balanced, uphill, and a happy partner, who looks forward to seeing me every day. I hope that the work over the years, develops into a beautiful bond and harmonious dance between two asymmetrical creatures! How should this be any different in our personal relationships!
At first, I wondered why my mother was so adamant that I should be a part of this project. I have lived through a failed marriage, the love of my life has a family with another woman, and I am online dating to meet new people. But why not? You can learn from my experiences, and maybe, they will help you. I have wonderful relationships with my horses. We do not speak the same language; however, the level of respect and love is there. When we raise our level of expectations and value ourselves, we need to express our needs and values in a clear and concise manner. When we are better able to define ourselves and our passions, then, we are able to love ourselves! When we have a clear love for true selves, we can better love and hopefully be able to communicate that to our love ones. If not, I hope that you find this book helpful to better define yourself and to better communicate with your love ones!
You have a soul mate. Everyone does. What about your soul mate? Are you currently searching for that intimate and fulfilling long-term relationship, a true soul mate? Have you ever been with a person you thought was your soul mate, the love of your life, and over time, that relationship did not work out? Or are you currently in a relationship and want to better understand each other and reignite that spark when you first met? Maybe you expected your marriage to be a fairy tale and can't figure out what went wrong.
Whether you are searching for your mate or are in a seasoned relationship, the information in this book will provide revolutionary insights into your relationship with yourself, your family, your co-workers, and primarily to your partner. My own journey in relationships might sound familiar. When I was younger, my father told me that I would get married and live happily ever after. He did not offer any clues on selecting or finding a mate. Like many of you, I thought that if I found someone that had similar interests, together, we would figure out how to get along and make an intimate relationship work. My first relationship ended in divorce, much to my dismay. In my second marriage, my husband and I were both research scientists, with him up-front and center teaching, while I was more comfortable in the background, delving into numbers.
As our marriage went along, I realized that my husband's approach to life was so very different from mine, despite the fact that we had similar interests as scientists. We cared for each other, but we drove each other crazy more often than not. We endured until his passing from Alzheimer's several years ago, but I had become driven to understand the why, who, and how of relationships. If similar interests were not predictive of compatible relationships, what was? I needed to understand more about the mind. What I have come to understand is predictive behaviors occurs because of the different ways that our minds take in information, process it, and keep it in our memories. As people, we do need other people, but let's face it, relating to others is complicated. Most people seek companionship in their lives. Compatibility is essential to achieving a satisfying relationship and satisfying life. It is a challenge that most people find extremely difficult to achieve. How important is it to you to find a companion, soul mate, and lover? How can you really know who a person is? Even after you have met and developed a relationship, how well do you know them? If you marry and have children, this is one of the most important decisions you will ever have to make. People are not all the same. They behave differently, and we observe those differences every day. The journey starts with knowing yourself. Have you answered the question: "Who am I? And why do I do what I do?"
Have you tried online dating websites? Research shows that people are not always accurate in describing themselves and a face-to-face meeting, and the resulting relationship is a disappointment. Online dating sites might ask you hundreds of questions, but this approach uses pictures and demographic information in making a "match" without understanding the preferences and predictable behaviors of a person and what truly motivates them, this in my opinion, truly matters.
We have all observed intimate relationships with our parents, family members, and friends. Some relationships appear to work but could use some work in terms of compatibility, intimacy, and simply getting along. Others don't work at all, and the couple breaks up. If you are already married or in a relationship, you can also use the following information in this book to improve that relationship and others. The sizzle of fantastic sex early in a relationship can wane, and in later years, a couple's intimacy problems arise because compatibility in preferences (predictable behaviors) was not considered. Yes, everyone has predictable behaviors, and they are not going to change. The following is not an uncommon story.
Jane saw this cute guy, Steve, at a party. Hormones attracted them to each other, and they continued to date and socialize with friends. After six months, they announced their intention to get married, did so, and proceed to have three children over the next seven years. Jane's preferred to always have "things" in their place so that the household would be as efficient and organized as possible and have some money that was to be saved for the future. Steve was comfortable in a relaxed environment, ready for any social event, dinner was not a scheduled event, money was not to be managed, and kids did not need discipline. Their preferences (predictable behaviors) for daily living caused lots of friction in their relationship.
"Cute, hot," or good looking is not a criterion for selecting a long-term partner. Yet, most often, this is the start-up criteria for the beginning of most relationships, whether it is pictures in a dating application on the internet or a face-to-face meeting. Many of these relationships are short-lived and are the root cause of many self-esteem issues. For example, “I am not good enough, pretty enough, or thin enough.” Some may even begin to believe this rubbish. But learning about a person's preferences is a better way to determine if you are compatible! Whether you are searching for your soul mate or in a current relationship, this book will help you better understand the true behaviors that identify the authentic person and important, for compatibility in daily living. You will learn how to determine who a person truly and really is and what their preferences are that contribute to theirs and your happiness.
All relationships have similar patterns of behavior over time. These predictable behaviors or preferences carry over into our intimate relationships. This is a big "aha." You have preferences in your intimate behavior. You will determine yours and your significant other's and identify a Compatibility Cognofile Report that outlines your preferred sexual behaviors for connecting at an ultimate level. In fact, when you connect at the highest level, you can use this sexual energy to enhance all other aspects of your life.
Humans are adaptable, but entering into a relationship and thinking that you can change a person does not work. We are programmed from birth to think and behave in a certain way. When partners in a relationship are allowed to be who they really are, communications is easier and contribute to our ability to connect and, ultimately, our happiness.
Humans want to be wanted. So, we want relationships to work. Based on our perception of compatibility with others, we make choices in life. Sometimes we choose wisely. Sometimes we don't...perhaps more often than we want. The divorce rate is high; according to the American Psychological Association, approximately 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The number one reason for divorce is disagreement about the handling of money. What do we need to understand in selecting an intimate friend, a soul mate, a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural connection-- fosters compatibility and the highest level of intimacy, inspires spirituality, and emanates trust. The methodology in this book will help you think about those things that are important considerations. You will learn how to determine the innate differences of a person and identify the best possible companion and friend for you that is more apt to result in a long-term relationship using the new technology-related to the science of the mind (see Appendix A).
The secret to a good match is knowing your predictable behaviors and those of a potential mate. This is a big "aha." Never before has it been possible to quickly and easily identify those behaviors. The secret to finding a soul mate is being able to identify a person's predictable behaviors (who they really are), how compatible their behaviors are with yours, and where to find this person and understand how they think. Read and learn how to determine your most compatible type of person. A truly great relationship values, respects, and appreciates those predictable behaviors that make each of us who we are. Relationships are easier if your preferences are the same or similar.
This book will provide a method and tools for you to select and find your friend, develop a relationship, and determine if that person is most apt to be your soul mate. You will learn how to determine if the predictable behaviors of another person are compatible with yours. A compatible person has similar ways of thinking and communicating. In fact, they are very much like you. It has been said that "opposites" attract. That may be the case initially, but can you live daily with someone that doesn't value what you do in work ethic, finance, and relationship? And again, do you find yourself wanting them to change, to be more like you?
You will learn to understand "why" we do what we do and "who" the other types of people are, that will never be able to be your soul mate and why. Learning about those that are least likely to be a soul mate is just as important as learning about who is most apt to be your soul mate. You will identify the predictable behaviors of a true friend and possible soul mate, the keys to a lasting friendship, and attaining the ultimate intimacy using the knowledge in this book. A lasting, fulfilling long-term relationship is based on true friendship and the highest level of sexual intimacy.
Through cutting-edge "science of the mind" discoveries, this book will help you understand the important ultimate factors for a loving, intimate relationship. There is a difference between intimacy and "just sex." In an intimate and strong relationship, every woman or man can orgasm and reach the highest level of connection. Yet, only 70 percent of women are reported to reach orgasm, total sexual fulfillment. Find out what is missing.
We know that relationships and sexual preferences are diverse for different types of people. To find your "match," you will discover how to determine what those differences are in a potential mate. Each person has different innate and predictable preferences. You will examine four dichotomies (a division or contrast between two behaviors that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different) that determine the predictable patterns of a person and learn "why" they behave the way they do. Yes, people are predictable, and what you are about to discover are those predictable behaviors that are a match to yours and contribute to a life-long relationship with a compatible person, the ultimate in sexual intimacy, and your happiness.
Here's a success story from one of my clients which he calls "The Gift of Compatibility":
At the age of 37, I was separated from my wife and heading for divorce. For the next year, I holed up in my new apartment, spending little time with anyone but my children. Some say I was working on myself, but truth be told, I was just hiding out in a fog.
A little over a year later, the fog lifted, and I ventured into the dating world when I invited myself over to a woman's house for dinner. I was immediately smitten. It was more of that feeling of "Oh my God, somebody likes me, and maybe I'm not broken." About 4 months into this new, exciting relationship, I introduced her to my family, and my older brother hit me with what felt like a 2x4 when he said, "She's just like your ex."
At first, I got defensive, then I got angry, and then… I realized he was absolutely right. After I realized I was with another woman I was not compatible with, I quickly ended the relationship.
The Dating Games began. I figured I just wanted to have fun. I proceeded to spend the next couple of years dating, picking up women at bars, Match.com, etc., hoping that something might stick. If you ask my friends about it now, they will say that I was a player. Whatever I was, it wasn't who I wanted to be. Around 2002, I became frustrated with the long line of non-compatible women I was meeting. Initially, these women who were my polar opposites were exciting, but I quickly became frustrated or bored. I wanted something long-term. I wanted a real relationship, but... What did that look like?
I had known of Xyte.com as an advisor and business consultant. I had worked with Linda and her team on creating better communication among co-workers and was amazed at how well we could teach people to get along and also help people to understand their natural abilities to plug them into the right career path.
On one particular day, Linda and I were working together, and she asked how my love life was going. I had one word for her: awful. We talked about compatibility, and I asked her if the Xyting Insight assessment would work for dating. Linda looked at me and said, "Of course, it will. In fact, it is ideally designed for personal relationships."
My life was about to change. From that point on, whenever I met someone that I was interested in, I would have them take the assessment and check how closely they matched up to my Perceive Cognofile. At first, I was most excited about those women who were opposite of me in terms of compatibility. Once I started to become more aware of this tendency, I began to really focus on those women that aligned with me and my Cognofile.
Time passed, and I was ready to give it all up when I met a woman who intrigued me more than any other. However, there was no way I was going to get involved without her taking the assessment. She did, and her Cognofile came back as full-on compatible, which is when we really started dating. Our communication was amazing. Initially, we would talk for hours, and it seemed only minutes. She knew what I said when I said it. I knew what she wanted, and we did indeed finish each other's sentences.
Almost 15 years later, we are happier than ever, and we are often referred to as a power couple. Our unique preferences have led us on a journey together as motivational speakers who have realized our quest to teach and understand why we do what we do. Both of us are multi-taskers, spontaneous, articulate with words, energized by interactions with people, and interested in creating harmony with those we touch. People sense our compatibility, our energy. My soul mate Angie and I have a similar way of thinking and communicating. It is an amazing feeling to be so in sync.
Linda and Xyte's technology gave me the comfort of knowing this relationship can work, and it was okay to put my whole self into it. I learned how to determine the best possible companion and friend that has resulted in a long-term relationship using this incredible science-of-the-mind technology. For others, this program absolutely can be a tool to help individuals find and connect on a real level. I know for me, it certainly has.
My biggest lesson: Opposites attract, but compatibility lasts forever.